Struggling To Be Heard

Sociology student, mother of 5 cats, music lover, food enthusiast, mixed Black girl, natural hair lover, genderfluid, queer, anti-capitalist and prison abolitionist. Ask if you want to know more.

Here is some info about my pronouns.

I'm here to rant, rave, repost pictures and info, dissect little and big things, bitch, moan, laugh, cry. Stuff. I love getting questions. You'll find things on black history, race in America, dissecting white supremacy, the prison industrial complex, some American politics stuff, gender and feminist issues. Pictures of all kinds of beautiful people, food, cats, and you will definitely get randomly bombarded with anime shots. I also post personal posts about my life, my emotions, and relationships, which can include lots of emotions so forewarning.

Home Archive RSS Ask donate

It’s twice as amazing because…

cruelyouth:

dumbthingswhitepplsay:

cruelyouth:

dumbthingswhitepplsay:

ethiopienne:

dumbthingswhitepplsay:

ethiopienne:

dumbthingswhitepplsay:

Racial-based hate crimes still make up like 49% of all hate crimes, period. That basically means that there is NOTHING as dangerous in this world as being non-white. Anti-black hate crimes make up nearly 3/4s of all racial hate crimes.

There’s just nothing in this world as dangerous as being black. Nothing at all.

And that’s got studies behind it.

It’s not like I needed statistical confirmation of this because I already knew it, but damn. It hurts more when you read it like this.

I think that’s what’s necessary though. For not just non-black people to see it, but for us to realize that none of this shit is in our minds or imaginary or oversensitivity or overreacting.

It’s fact.

Exactly. Because there are some mornings when I wake up and I just DO NOT WANT to deal with the bullshit I know I’m gonna have to face and for just one quick second I start to doubt whether it’s really as bad as I think it is. And then I get the proverbial slap in the face that reminds me it’s not as bad as I think it is. It’s worse.

YES. There have been days where I am so tired and angry and confused and wondering what more I can say to get these white people to understand, and wondering if there is really just something I am somehow missing, maybe I’m overexaggerating, maybe it is just me.

But, it’s really not. I have to live my life in fear of whiteness.

At the same time though? I’m so much happier than I ever was when I was seriously black-hating. Even though I have less friends, even though I’ve pulled away from all the things I used to do…I have much more self-love right this moment than I’ve had since I was a small child.

Yeah, I feel the bolded, too.

It was just a few years back that I started to learn about race, racism, blackness, and really examining my life and why I was so miserable and lonely all the time.  I was going through a lot of abuse, with most of it motivated by racism, and learning about this stuff helped me dig my way out of it.  I’m in a brand new environment and am finally learning things about myself and building my own life.  I am working on my own self-love, how to take care of myself, and I can still struggle with loneliness.  But I’m doing much better as opposed to about three to four years ago.

I burned a lot of bridges and kicked a lot of things and people out of my life, and I’m still kicking.  I tried several times before to get out of my abuse without really understanding what effect it had on me, personally.  But I didn’t need to have another “new beginning” — I needed to have an “ending” to some of the abuse I was going through and some of the beliefs I internalized.

Alright, I rambled enough about my emotional wellness, haha.  I don’t have an appointment with my therapist until next week, so forgive me.

you basically just told my life story just now

it’s only within the last couple years that i’m starting to understand why i was never happy back then, why i had so many hospitalizations, why suicide was always always always in the back of my mind as an option, and now that i do it’s literally like a weight has been lifted.

do i need to be more cognizant of the people around me now? much much more than before? sure, but it’s worth it for what i’ve gained for myself.

*hugs just because* <3

I hear of a lot of PoC going through what I went through (including multiple hospitalizations and suicidal thoughts), and more and more, I’m believing it’s not a coincidence at all.

And yeah, I live in constant fear that everything I’ve worked for will be gone if I’m sucked into more abuse, so I’m always cognizant of people who are around me and who I spend my time with.  Because I’ve been sucked into that shit repeatedly when I even thought about healing and forming my own life.

IDGAF if I sound paranoid — racism and white supremacy is out to destroy us.

*hugs to everyone* I’ve appreciated reading these conversations so much. It has struck such a personal note with me and it’s great to read others experiences, even when they are painful. Makes those experiences make more sense in the grand scheme of things. I too have been suicidal and attempted it before, have self-harmed and been thoroughly depressed. While some of it was the loss of my father, as I got older more of it was definitely the pain and agony of experiencing racism and homophobia and the alienation that comes with defending oneself from it. I was lucky enough to draw my boundaries around 17 and start being around only people who would not treat me like this. Which meant having next to no friends for awhile. It can still be lonely now. However, it is worth it taking control of who you will interact with (when you can of course) and who you will allow into your life. 

And white supremacy and racism is out to destroy us. That’s not paranoid. Those systems need people to be hurt, depressed, down on themselves and self-hating in order to make a lot of it work.